Sheryl Lee Ralph Needs a History lesson

So I caught an episode of "Living it Up With Patti LaBelle" and she was visiting Detroit, and the Motown Museum with Sheryl Lee Ralph and Phylicia Rashad in tow. And Patti was discussing, by one of those James Kriegsmann photos of the Supremes after Cindy Birdsong joined, of how Diana Ross remembered Cindy, and gaffled her from the Bluebelles to replace a dispondent Florence Ballard.

And both these heffas, both of which are past 50, and were alive in the summer of 1967, acted like this was fresh news right off the press.

Maybe they were fronting like Patti was saying something new, but if I remember correctly, Sheryl Lee was in the original Broadway cast of Dreamgirls in 1981. So, you'd think she'd be vaguely familiar with the real story that the musical was based upon.

She responded with a "Guuuurl..uh uh, you lyin!"

Someone Shoot me, or may Florence Ballard haunt her for a good 6 weeks.

Dead Negro-Live Negro, Do you really know?

So do You know which one of these starts is still kicking around? Is It Sweet Georgia Brown or Mother Winslow?

You've got 15 seconds......

Do do dod dod dodo dod dod dod dodod dodod dooot doo dododod dodo dodod dododoodododododo doot doot doot doot doo doo

(kettle drum)

Rosetta LeNoire has not been with us for 4 years, she died in 2002 at the age of 90. Lena Horne is still alive, though rarely seen in public, or even mentioned, or not even considered for a Bio-pic, and will be 90 years old in 2007.

Just to keep you posted on Dead Negro or Live Negro, expect quizzes weekly.

Thanksgiving Gone Wrong

So I hope all of you enjoyed the bountiful abundance of food provided to you this Thanksgiving. And that you haven't overindulged yourself of Deep Fried Turkey and Sweet Potato Pie like ReRe Franklin has.

Can someone take out Star Jones's Gastric Bypass and put it Aretha? Is human parts swapping that easy?

As you might not know, Aretha Franklin's voice is considered a natural resource of the State of Michigan, considering how many beautiful voices have been nutured in that state, ranging from Stevie Wonder to Madonna, it's a bit frightening to see the Queen of Soul become the Queen of Soul Food Overindulgence. She can't even support herself while performing in concert, she has to brace herself against her piano.

So, can we, Negroes and our supports, have an intervention to save one of our natural resources. Call Jesse Jackson, Call Al Sharpton!

Save Aretha Franklin!

Thanksgiving Ettiquette for the New Negro

So it's Thanksgiving eve.....

And I'm done my share of cooking, in anticipation of people bringing their appetites and criticisms of how things have been executed so here are some rules to help you make it thru the day without me cutting you...

1) If you have a food allergy, bring your own damn food or you can stay home. I'm making my food the way I like it, and if you like it, cool, if you have some medical reason why you can't eat it, let me know 4-6 weeks in advance so I can figure out how to make it, and you not suing me for your medical bill.

2) Fix your own plate. There is a reason why everything is laid out buffet style, so you can serve your own lazy ass and work off some of the fat, that is by default, in this meal I have cooked. The only reason you should ask for someone to fix your plate is 1) you are past 65, and you have earned that right by living this long 2) You are under the age of 6 and will make a huge damn mess or 3) you are missing a limb

3) If you are Muslim, don't ask me to keep pork out of the Greens. Collard Greens need Pork, end of story. Reference Allergies rules (i.e keep your ass home) or visit a Jewish Household for Thanksgiving

4)If you are under the age of 18, you are designated to the childrens table in the family room, garage or basement. And you need to stay there. Stay out of Grown folks business and get to know your cousins, cause the grown folks will be dead in 20-25 years and y'all are gonna wana be just as "close" as the grown folks are now, start working on it

5)Thanksgiving Prayer is 90 seconds we really don't need to go around the table and ask what everyone is thankful for. Be thankful for the damn free meal and eat already

6)Eat things you know you like, and if you don't like them, avoid them. It's insulting to the cook to take one bite and leave it on your plate, and go back for more of what you like. You made your bad selection? stick with it. after all it's a free meal

7)One plate per person for take home. That means all courses and dessert that exit the household must fit on one plate. You do not exit with a side dish, meat dish, appetizer and dessert plate you greedy ass Mofo. Don't take advantage of the fact that your meal was free.

8) Have plans for later in the evening. whomever is hosting you had a long day of preparation. There are enough venues open this year of 2006 that you can go to the Movies, the Car Show, Ice Skating or go pick up your Christmas Tree. Don't impose on your host to entertain you all night, even if you are staying the whole holiday weekend. You know other people, I know you do.

9)When you are out and about, and conversing with human beings in the Service Industry that are working today, even the cop that pulls your drunkass over, say "Happy Thanksgiving." They are working today to make sure you have Gas, a Big Mac or access to Happy Feet and Borat for you and your kids. They gave up spending a day with their families, or alone masturbating and smoking weed to serve your lazy ass. The are getting double overtime, but when the Minimum wage is under $6, is it really worth it? It only comes around for them 3 days a year.

10) No Drama, otherwise, no divorce announcements, no coming out to conservative parents, no news of unwanted pregnancies/abortions, family scandals, no charged political debates. Just relax and save the daily drama for a normal day and enjoy the food and alcohol. Or Just hump your Brother in Law in the downstairs coat closet like a good skank. if there are 25 people in attendance no one will notice.

Who Gave You Your Ghettopass:Volume #2

Ok I know the subject of this edition of "who gave you your ghettopass" is a good 45 years too late, and I shouldn't put two accused murderer posts back to back. But Phil Spector is someone that best raped Afro-Centric rhythms for his own profits. And he won't share his profits with his most often Negro artists, even his own partially Negro ex-wife, Ronnie Spector and Her Negro Sibling (Estelle Bennett) and Cousin(Nedra Talley) that formed the Ronettes.

I don't have any problem with White producers producing Black Artists, even feeling they have contributed to the R&B experience. But most White Producers are respectful, and most often praise the artists they have produced.

Phil Spector has always felt that the voice, the session musicians, were secondary. It was all his dream.

So Phil, tell me

Would have "He's a Rebel" had that defiant kick if you enlisted Sarah Vaughn to record it? If you wanna debate me and say yes, you should listen to the Vicki Carr version that was on the charts the same time as yours.

Would have "Uptown" been as brooding and knowing if you enlisted Connie Francis to record it? I doubt even now Connie Francis can figure out what is Uptown from 1650 Broadway.

Would "Be My Baby" had the same slinky sexual tension if you had Little Peggy March record it. I'm pretty sure Big Peggy March is still a virgin, at 60.

So you need to stop discounting the inherent skills of the women, especially, that recorded for you. Your records would have 1/64th the power if Darlene Love, Barbara Alston, La La Brooks and Ronnie Spector weren't on them. You owe each of these ladies a nice big check. Hell, one of them is your second wife!

All you did was put some black voices over a Baion beat. You didn't actually sing. Just like a film producer, the average entertainment seeker doesn't care about you!

Get over yourself before it's too late and you join OJ at the table in the circle of hell. .....with a longer list of wrongs.

And stop shooting people!

Here are your Gasoline Draws:Edition #1

I really thought people were shitting me when they told me the Juice was doing this. And I went on my daily jaunt over to Keithboykin.com. And it's true. That special table in hell reserved for the worst people of the 1990's is filling up quite quickly this month. First Saddam, now OJ.

Orethal James Simpson. You offically need to be beat with a baseball bat by Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman's relatives. I have tried and tried to side with you ever since the glove didn't fit and your were acquitted. But, this is the last straw. I hope Ron Goldman gets every last dime of your goddamn money and you have to turn tricks with old Jewish Men in Palm Beach courtesy of the Cuban Cocaine Lord you probably owe a lot of money to. I'm so over the fact that you got over on the man. This is just intolerable cruelty.

You, are, just, Wrong.

If them chickens is ash and I'm lotion..." (an Eric C. Contribution)

For some reason Blogger is posting this image twice, so you get twice the oppurtunity to see Star Jones's saggy ashy titties.

I didn't know one of the side affects of having a "life saving operation"(Gastric Bypass) was being ashy. I know life can be expensive being 1) Unemployed and 2) Having a Gay husband. But Lotion is not in her budget? Vaseline or Jergens wasn't one of the sponsors at her and Big Gay Al's wedding?

I can pray, power pray, that this is photoshop, because role number one of being Negro and famous is that you don't appear in public ashy. Even when Whitney was fucked up, she still remembered to put lotion on herself.

I'm still really wonder how Star stepped anywhere and didn't notice her titties were ashy. She's not blind, so she doesn't have an excuse like Stevie Wonder and his braids basically growing out of his asshair.

Who told her to wear a Mini Dress? with saggy titties. Her Bags are not fun, they are actually quite depressing. Someone should hand her a Cross your heart and a more modest dress from Lane Bryant, they are open til 9pm most nights.

Star Jones, Shame for thinking you can get a walk in role on Girlfriends. Being Ashy.... Little ashy girls in North Carolina look up to you to have smooth non ashen skin!


"If them chickens is ash and I'm lotion... I'm gonna deep fry me up some Star Jones with some Jergens"

Do other races drink Kool-Aid?

So I'm 24, and I've visited quite a few households outside of the African-American Community. And you know what has never happened?

I've never been offered a nice tall cold glass of *Red* Kool-Aid.

Just about every other beverage, but never Kool-Aid?

Do only Negroes drink Kool-Aid?

Is Kool-Aid Black owned, so we must patronize it?

Again I hate to run conspiracy theories on my website, but...I'm starting to think Kool-Aid is the cause of the higher percentage of Diabetes cases in the Black Community. Isn't the classic Kool-Aid recipe 1 packet of *Red* kool-aid (Mind you there are about 15 different Kool-Aid flavors that are red) 1 *pitcher* of water and 3 lbs of sugar?

So yes, I think we will be seeing an article soon in the New England Journal of Medicine that Diabetes is caused by the classic concoction of Kool-Aid used by the African American community. Somehow this method of preparation spread to tea, to create Sweet Tea and that's how Diabetes spreads throughout the US.

So either.....

1) We need to boycott Kool-Aid

2) We need to Make Kool-Aid a bigger pop culture icon, maybe do a Song about it, so it starts killing all the other races with Diabetes too.

10 ways Tyler Perry should give back to the Community: Post #1

Tyler Perry is pretty damn rich. Apparently so rich the mansion and the Bentley's in Diary of a Mad Black Woman are owned by him. And I say it's time that he starts giving back to the community he steals....err, gets income from by providing it with "entertainment."

So what should Tyler Perry do first?

I say Tyler Perry should start a rehab clinic for crackheads in Atlanta.

Why you ask?

Because Tyler Perry has used crackheads for a punchline so often in his productions that he really owes them a cut, somehow. And I think him starting a rehab program for crackheads, with the help of Jesus to get them back on the right track in life is a good way to give back. If he really believes in the mission and values of the bible, if he were a *true* christian, he would have set up a foundation to do this. Til he does something like that, Oprah is still America's best Christian. Hell, even Tyra is a better Christian than Mr. Perry, she's giving Meth Addicts makeovers (as you know Meth can be even worse on one's public appearance than Crack, most of these people have serious skin issues and missing teeth) on her show tomorrow.

Tyler Perry is too busy making fun of Crackheads to care.

Now I need to figure out how Mr. Perry is gonna help all the Ho's he makes fun of.

A Plea to Martin Lawrence

I have deep respect for Martin Lawrence. Therefore what I am about to write is a heartfelt plea for him to seek some type of career guidance.

Martin, I need you to stop being a second rate Eddie Murphy, which by default make you a fourth rate Richard Pryor. You had what might be the most influential Black Sitcom of the 1990's, but since then you haven't made any groundbreaking strides in Entertainment. Why are you doing PG movies like Rebound? Was Big Mama's House 2 really necessary? It wasn't even in Big Mama's House!

See, problem is, I wouldn't have to make this announcement if Eddie hadn't gotten his act together and starred in a serious movie like Dreamgirls. Up until this point he had spent a good 10 years waisting his promise clearly demonstrated in Coming to America and The Nutty Professor with lame sequels and movies co-starring Jeff Goldblum...and Childrens movies. And then, somehow (Blowing the right Tranny?) he got the James Thunder Early part in Dreamgirls. I know this is basically going to be him playing his James Brown "Hot tub" character put into a movie, but, it's a legitimate role in possibly a good movie.

You don't have to take the leftover projects he doesn't do...

His brother Charlie Doesn't! Charlie may not go for lame star vehicles but he makes hilarious supporting appearances in movies like Rollbounce.

You could be doing so much more, because you are so talented. But, in your 40's, I'm losing hope....

Keep Hope Alive!

Martin Lawrence

A Message to Gay Choir Directors....

If your Chuuch won't marry you and Dwayne. It's time to find something else to do with your spare time, like volunteer for A Black HIV/AIDS clinic or something more productive. Or at least find a more Gay affirming Chuuch. God is trying to tell you something, and he's trying to tell you not to self loathe...

You can also speak up and mention to that oh so lovely deacon, or pastor, that if they preach against homosexual acts, y'all can't have hamhocks in the greens or Shrimp at the next fish fry, cause those are also sins punishable by death in the Old Testament. Just tell them that in reference to the Old Testament they have to behave like Orthodox Jews, and they should go to temple to really learn how to act...

Now you see why I only go to Black Chuuches for funerals now...Chances are I wouldn't be able to shut up and I would get thrown out.

But you shouldn't sit idle, listening, and even agreeing with these words of hate. Or in the worst fashion actually speaking and preaching this hate yourself (*Cough* Donnie McClurkin *Cough*). There is a special table in hell for you, right next to Mark Foley and Megachurch meth addict homo...

Stand up out of the shadows and be proud. You might actually change something.

Chrysler Aspen......

Hello Chromed up Dodge Durango! Welcome to the 2007 American Automotive selling season! I wish you great luck, as it will be a tough time being an Old School Body on Frame SUV this selling season.

Just one question before I let you go....

Why do I see you advertised only on BET and TVone?

Is your sole existance a chance for Chrysler to put it's excessive factory capacity for the Dodge Durango directly in the hands of the African American community?

You are quite "blingy" like your sibling the 300 across the showroom floor. I can't image Becky McPherson wanting to drive you to Whole Foods. Or her husband Bill wanting to take you fishing over the weekend.

I totally see you hauling Tyreesha to the outlet mall for coach purses. And I can see you taking Tyrone and crew to a tailgate party the following sunday.

Which makes me angry, at the marketing that Automobile manufacturers try to stuff down Black throats.

Notice those "Return of The Man" 2006 Ford Explorer commercials? Did you see them on CBS, NBC or ABC, hell even Fox? No, because of gas prices rocketing skyward, the Explorer's sales skidded over 60% during 2006. But they still need to sell them, and who does Ford think will buy an Explorer just as long as it comes with 3 DVD screens and some 20's on it?

Negroes....

Hell if we can't afford to put gas in it....we'll just sit in the driveway watching TV out of it.

So, as a plea to African American Consumers....don't fall for it. If you can't afford to be wasteful, and still buy an SUV that gets 12 miles to the gallon, I think they should take away your L's, and make you take remedial math. If you need to haul people, get a Minivan....if you feel the need to Bling out, there's a Buick dealership with a LaCrosse with your name on it, and they get 26 or so real world mpg on the highway.

Where are the black homosexuals:Volume#1

So last week I was opining about Matthew Rush being openly gay, but not openly Negro. 5 days later, and Doogie Howser....err. Neil Patrick Harris being drug out the closet after a good 10 years of sleeping with every bright eyed homosexual on Broadway, or 99% of actors that appear on Broadway, I thought to myself....

Self..... You are really tired of hearing about these caucasian homosexuals...

Where are the black homosexuals....

Well behold this piece of gossip.

"Also at the BET Awards, Da Brat was trying to get with Deelishis from Flavor of Love 2. I guess that can answer those "Is she or Is she not" questions you had about the Da Brat."

The reason I single out Da Brat instead of Queen Latifah or Missy Elliott is because, really, she's about equal on the fame chain as Lance Bass. So it would be appropriate for her, as a cry for a breath of wind in the sails of her career, to come out. Then maybe we can work ourselves up to Mc Lyte (the equivalent of TR Knight) then to Missy Elliott (Equivalent to Doogie).

Having Queen Latifah finally come out would be like finally getting Jodie Foster to come out for White people.

All I'm saying, if you are as bold to push up on a reality TV "star" in public, like Lance Bass did, you basically can't deny your sexuality, because it's public knowledge and record.

There's a lot more light on the otherside of the door Da Brat.

You are too young to be big mama!

Hi Vanessa Bell Calloway, I was watching an episode of All of Us. I normally use this time between Everybody Hates Chris & Girlfriends to wash dishes, shower, talk to people I normally just text. But You, one of my favorite blacktresses of my lifetime, were a guest star. And who were you playing?

Big Mama!

You were Duane Martin and Tisha Campbell's Mama! In Nancy Wilson's wig no less.

So I skipped over to wikipedia to see how old you are. And, you are just 49 years old. You aren't old enough to be Big Mama yet!

Who did you steal this role from? Seriously, there are so many nice black actresses in their 60's that probably have nothing to do. I hope and pray you aren't that desperate for work that you are accepting roles to play AARP citizens opposite Glynn Turman, he is in fact, AARP aged and 60 years old.

Vanessa, don't do it anymore, don't you know 50 is the new 35. So Act it!

Literally.

Take away Ron Isley's Penis!

So I thought of a way Ron Isley can repay his tax debt, and help society at the same time.

Take away his Penis!

Why you ask?

Because Ron Isley is in his mid 60's and he should not be producing offspring at this stage of his life when he is running into trouble with the IRS.

You tell me,

"Well Ron Isley's Penis wouldn't be worth much, so it would be cruel to take away his "manhood" and he'd still be a couple of hundred thousand in debt to the IRS!"

I say, make him do public service announcements about the dangers of fathering children way into your AARP years.

For example:

Hi My Name is Ron Isley. Aka Mr. Biggs. And this is a picture of Tony Randall's son, now 5. Where's Tony you may ask, well, he's been dead for 4 years. You See, Tony Randall's son will never get to play catch with his father, get driving lessons from his father, or learn about the birds & The Bees from his father. You see, Tony Randall had unprotected sex with a female not on birth control. The young children with fathers older than Jesus is a growing epidemic, and we need your help preventing it. Please, when selling Viagra, please provide condoms and spermicides."

Why Is Ronald Isley talking about "Baby Making Music" Chances are too great that he will die while "making babies."

If I'm correct there is no song called "Heart Attack" on the CD.

So you wanna take a gun on the plane....

"Katt Williams was arrested at Los Angeles International Airport after a stolen gun was found in his briefcase, airport police said. The 35-year-old comedian was arrested shortly after 4:30 p.m. Monday after he was stopped at a security checkpoint, airport police Officer Belinda Nettles said."

So I heard about this over the radio.

Katt, has the perm gone to your brain, or did the hotcomb short out the firing of the synapses in your brain.

Do you remember this little event called 9/11 in 2001. It kinda made airport security a little bit more difficult.

Mind you they haven't let Whitney Houston or Dionne Warwick on the plane with just minor marijuana on their person.

WHAT THE HELL MADE YOU THINK YOU COULD TAKE A GUN ON THE PLANE?

You aren't an air marshall

Mind you you took a STOLEN gun to LAX. I know driving from Inglewood to LAX can be treacherous, and the LAPD can do some mighty mean things to a Black Man, but, you know, leave the gun in the car, at least.

Please don't make me start a DVD series called famous N*ggas gone wild.

Sunday oldies shows really suck these days....

And, of course I'm going to tell you why....

1) Maybe I feel like I'm going to be forever young (well this week) so I don't think songs that were released when I was an infant or as a toddler, and I remember on the Cutlass's radio are "Old Skool." Prime examples would be "Forget Me Nots"(Patrice Rushen) or "It's Gonna Take a Miracle" (Deniece Williams). Not when I still hear both remixed in clubs. They still are playing "Billie Jean" and "Thriller" in the clubs too, but they aren't regulated to the sunday oldies show. I take offense to "It's Gonna Take a Miracle" being regulated to the oldies show, as there are about 13 different versions between The Royalettes 1965 version and Niecey's 1982 hit. If you aren't comparing and contrasting the two, or 13 versions, keep Niecey's version as the late night after hours slow jam, it goes quite nicely next to some Jill Scott.

2) Do a little research. Certain jams were bigger regional hits than they were national (The above Royalettes version of "It's Gonna Take a Miracle" was a massive top 10 hit in places like their hometown Baltimore, New York and Philly, but only pulled in a #28 nationally on the R&B charts, but it stuck in enough people's minds, and singers minds to inspire just as many cover versions as, let's say "walk On By" or something). Find out what songs are remembered locally as "that jam." I think that is one of the few things that make a local Sunday Oldies show around my parts a good show.

3) White People used to be on the R&B charts, and top them! with songs you'd least expect! Prime example, Lesley Gore, "It's My Party" #1 pop for 4 weeks in 1963, but also #1 R&B for 2 weeks. So, some of us people that happen to like a few songs by, admittedly, very white artists, won't feel guilty, and stay in the closet about our love of some white artists and musicians. It took me until I was 24 to actually buy some Lesley Gore on CD. And even then I did it through Amazon.

4) Do we really have to hear "I Heard it Through The Grapevine" or "My Girl" on the radio again this sunday. We.All.Know.These.Songs. People in Romania know these songs. I thank god I went thru my early-mid teens with KDIA still on the AM. They would play these fabulous songs that, when I researched them, turned out to be decent, or even Massive hits. Jackie Ross's "Selfish One" comes immediately to mind. A song so powerful, graceful and influential(and sadly a one hit wonder for this other Miss Ross), yet, when's the last time you heard it on the radio, if you ever have? BTW, the Supremes first hit wasn't "Where Did Our Love Go." It was "When The Lovelight Starts Shining Thru His Eyes" which, according to cashbox polls at the time, went all the way to #2 R&B nationwide, along with a #23 pop listing.

5) make it 6, or 8 hours, and the DJ has to be passionate about the throwback. Don't regulate it to a 3 hour slot. And you know, a lot of these people are dead, but a whole lot more of them are alive. Call them, ask them if they wanna talk about their records, and invite them in. Right now, British homosexuals with bad teeth have more appreciation for the people behind the song than you

You might try this, or you'll lose me, and a whole host of people to XM Soul Street Baby! iPods and Limewire....

And you let it all go to your big-ass Peanut head (Volume #1)

Hey! Steve Harvey!

Stacy Adams and The Durant Mall called, they want their suits and shoes back.

Why, you ask?

Because they don't make the shit you wear anymore, and they don't want C-List comedians promoting outerware and footware they sold in 1997...

Why do you think you are so fine in them old school in those old school The Whispers suits. remind you, it's almost 2007. You aren't Lenny Williams getting down in Laughlin, Nevada with a 37 minute set of "Cause I Love You." Hang them old school 1981 suits up. Alligator is just about equally in style as a Rolls Royce Grille, vinyl top and wide white walls on a Cadillac CTS (somehow, it's still ok to do that to a DTS, for reasons far beyond my control, actually it's in the hands of the African American Branch of the AARP).

While you are handing back them suits, can you donate some of your lip tissue to non-negroes in need of bigger lips? Since, really, what are you doing since The Kings of Comedy? Why are you leeching off of your costars from that concert film for work. and Cedric the Entertainer somehow manages to update his suits and causual wear. If money is tight, can't you have him buy you like , one general purpose one, where you can break up the pieces and wear them with the least offensive pieces of your wardobe.

Word of advice from Queer Eye for the Negro guy....

The damn Pleats are out, and so is the color purple....

Do you always have to play the crazy negro?

Hi Lynn Whitfield! I've been quite scared to post ablog about you. Why you might ask? Well, I think you are crazy. You might not actually be crazy but, just about all of your film output is basically crazy black women. Ok Josephine Baker was "eccentric" or something kinder and gentler than flat out crazy. But every role since it seems you seem to play irrational crazy black women, even in lame Chris Rock comedies like Head of State. So, I'm starting to think there is no separation between reality and fiction. You are in fact a crazy black woman.

How could you credibly play that mother character in Madea's Family Reunion? I swear you are going to hell for that role, as is Tyler Perry for writing that script. We all know that there are issues with sexual abuse in families, but did you have to enjoy playing a woman so cruel, so vindictive to her own daughters? You relished that role like your were Bette Davis in Whatever Happened to Baby Jane! There was NOTHING to enjoy in that role, yet you played it to the back audience.

See why I think you might be crazy...

Throw in A Thin Line Between Love and Hate and Eve's Bayou, and a couple of other crazy lady TV movies, and your acting legacy is pretty much sealed, as the Crazy Negro Lady. Why don't you just start hurling cats at your co-stars your next movie?

Or do us all a favor and stop acting. Let some other Blacktress take over the Crazy Negro lady for a good 6 years. Soon enough you can play the crazy negro lady confined to a wheelchair, and therefore, will be less threatening.

Great Darryl and Jensen! Let's try this again, with just more Madness...

So Black Gay Men, finally, have their own Dynasty. But from what I remember of Dynasty, it actually had, some amount of logic. Maybe it was only 6% of logic, 94% utter incompetent bitchery, but there was some logic...really!

Noah's Arc is devoid of logic. Period.

So out of the 4 characters you see on the cover. Only one has what we can call a real job (That he spends little time at, but, it's still a job) Noah, the protaganist lives in a One Bedroom Apartment in West Hollywood, but doesn't have a job, or any verifiable source of income.

gimme a minute while I search on L.A. Craigslist to see how much a rather nice one bedroom in West Hollywood would cost.....

so, the lowest I saw was $1300, and it didn'y have any of the classic moldings and fixtures of Noah's unit..

Anyways, those realistic points are not valid, because it's TV! But, how about the, um, lack of continuity of the show. Let's use the final scene of the Season 2 finale as a model.

So Wade and Dre speed off in a 1987 VW Cabrio ( When Season 2 started they had a 2006 or so VW New Beetle Convertible, In Tangerine no less. So, what happened to the New Beetle? Was it repo-ed? Why was there a Wade and Dre have financial difficulty and their car was repo-ed episode to explain that. And I didn't know Black Folks drove VW Convertibles period! Unless their names are Becky and Corey....) After Wade is caught cheating with Noah in the Bathroom.
So Noah and crew (4 stuffed in a Mini Convertible...ummm) and they come across an accident. Guess what car it is! YES! But remember there were 2 people in the car. Why is everyone making sure Wade is ok, nobody gives a shit about the other passenger, including the scriptwriters apparently.

I admit, like Fergie, I can enjoy Noah's Arc. Drunk. It's a wonderful drinking game show. Every plot line dropped, take a shot. Everytime Rodney Chester says "Ghuur", shot. Everytime Noah changes an outfit *Shot.* Every time Ricky Mentions that he's only a top, Take a shot. Everytime you notice there are no white people, and this is not taking place on 54th and Crenshaw *shot* (remember there were even white people on The Parkers).

So everyone wants to rant and rave that this show is such a breakthrough. Well, yeah, 4 black gay men portaryed on TV. GREAT! But does the actual show have to be horrible? Not Mundane like Julia, but outright horrible, like worse than high school theatre I've done? Just wondering...

Good Movies In Need of a Vacation:Volume #1

I know "What's Love Got to Do With It" is an excellent movie. It's lead actors Angela Bassett and Laurence Fishburne were nominated for Best Actor Oscars. But It's risking becoming the best black camp classic, like, ever, like more than Mahogany.

Why you ask?

1)The frequency that it's on pay or basic cable, I don't think, since it premiered on Cable in 1994, it has even been off cable for more than 8 days at a time. Some days it's on 3 times in if you haven't gotten your quotient of Ike beating the shit out of Anna Mae...err Tina.
2) It has arguably, the longest list of quotable lines in any big budget movie since All About Eve. Like, it took 43 years and Tina Turner's hell and back life story to get such classic lines as....

"What Did you expect, Carnegie Fuckin Hall"
"Leave me alone IKE"
"Lorraine Lorraine, bring yo crazy muthafuckin ass back, what am I gonna do with all these kids"
"Sing the song like I told ya Ann"
"I wrote the Song Ike, I know the words"

Or my all time favorites

"Num Yo reng gey kyo"
"Eat The Cake Anna Mae"
"Chuuch House Jin House"

Lest us not forget the classic dance montages....from the Apollo (with an incorrect reference to Martha & The Vandellas on the Marqee, they weren't even Martha & The Vandellas until 1962). To Shindig (won't YOU bend over and let me see you shake a TAILFEATHAH!). To rolling on the river at the Palladium! Better, I say , than the choreography in West Side Story!

Ok, I run the risk of quoting the whole movie. But that's the problem. The more you watch it, the more you warp it, and you end up with something fanciful and goofy like Valley of The Dolls or Mommie Dearest.

So, we need to give What's Love got to do With It a break. Buy it on DVD, and watch it ON OCCASION! Not as default entertainment for saturday afternoon.

Let's give it a vacation

To quote a song from the movie

"Darhlin' It's gonna work out fine"

Chronicles In Child Acting Gone Wrong:Volume #1

Judy Winslow, ehem, Jaimee Foxworth, ehem, Crave...I'm using a picture from the days I first knew you, because my mother sometimes reads this blog.

I understand that you were flat broke after they sent you to the Attic of Family Matters to make room for such classic characters as Myra, Waldo and Aunt Oona from Altoona. But, have you every heard of Community College, DeVry? Western Career College...

You Can do it!

And by do it I don't mean doing DP shots with 2 overly endowed men of color. Or if your gonna go all out and do porn, like Jody Watley's sister, you need to stick to it, stick it out.

How is the 20 year reunion episode/special for Family Matters gonna go.
Laura & Steve Urkel have 6 kids
Carl Winslow retired from the police force after having a quadruple Bypass after one Kruller too many
Eddie Winslow and Waldo are now on Girlfriends and Waldo has come out as Peaches.
Mother Winslow rematerializes from Dust (and Death) to criticize Harriet's cooking
Harriet leaves in protest and replaces Mavis Staples in The reformed Staples Singers
Little Richie owns soul-glo, and still has a Jheri-Curl
and you have been doing Porn in the Attic for the last 13 years

Were you the 16 year old R. Kelley pee'd on?
Do us all a favor, and sign up for the next season of the Surreal life.

Hopefully Regis Philbin is on and you can do a porn tape with him!

Who Gave You Your Ghettopass:Volume #1

So who gave Stacey Ferguson, Kids Incorporated Star extraordinare and future Depends spokeswoman, the Ghettopass to appear on 1) The R&B charts and 2) on Tyra like she's Beyonce 3) To record songs like "London Bridge" and "Fergalicious"

I swear "Fergalicious" is a rip off of "Supersonic"
Supersonic....When Hip-Hop reference breaking the sound barrier
1988 might have been the height of pop culture in my lifetime...

Enough reminiscing....Hasn't Fergie provided enough horrid music to the world over the years? From covering songs on Kids Incorporated, White Girl Group Hell Wild Orchid, and such lovely titles as "Don't Phuck with My Love" (a lesson on how to curse with a lisp) and "My Humps" ( If you really have random humps, you might wanna see a doctor, it might be Cancer).

I admit I can enjoy Fergie's Music output, when I'm drunk and trying to seduce a more vapid homosexual than myself while out at the club. Otherwise, I debate, who allowed her in? I'm pretty sure will.i.am had to go to the Negro Board to let her in. Did she cover some Chaka Khan to pass the Negro Pass audition.

We need to send her walking. Or off her as quickly as she was in the Remake of Poseidon.

Crunch
Crush
Scream
Impale

Bubye Fergie!

R&B is Asleep

I think it's been asleep for a good 15 years...or More....

When was the last time you remember a relentlessly uptempo R&B smash dominating the Charts. like 4/4 time signature and all?

The last one I can think of was Shanice "I Like Your Smile"

Duh duh duh duh duh da uh......

Well maybe Jill Scott's "Golden," but was that a hit...like a big hit, cause all I remember it as was the credits song to "Beauty Shop."

Even Janet Jackson...wasn't "Doesn't Really Matter" and "All For You" uptempo? Why is she on valium on "So Excited?" This is "So Excited" on drugs. Prescription drugs? Didn't Jane used to leave the slow tempo to her slow jams? I'm sorry Janet, but nothing makes me excited about your song.

So, are all producers are collectively on Valium and Quaaludes and Vicodin, chased down with a Vodka Tonic? Will they all go to rehab and wake the hell up? I can't keep going into limewire and downloading another old groove. Some one.....

PLEASE!

Make me shake my ass!

Rottweilers

Black Folks, you do know that there are other breeds of dogs other than Rottweilers. We made the big leap from all having German Shepards named king, to Doberman's named Duke, to Rottweilers name Fiddy.

Can we go to our local SPCA's and just pick up muts. Like the rest of the world? Why are we spending more on buying purebreed Rottweilers than we do on our vaccinations? I know there are Black Folks out there that have other breeds! I know a Black Labrador that's named Wu-Tang! YES! Wu-Tang. That dog loves his name! He is the happiest dog I've ever seen!

Spread some Joy, adopt a Boxer/Jack Russell Half breed and name him P-Diddy.

Chicken Noodle Soup...With a Soda On The Side

By now you know that "Chicken Noodle Soup" is not just a food you eat.

It's a Dance you can embarass yourself in the club with. This poor dance doesn't even have the charm of the "Cha Cha Slide." You won't see big Mama breaking out the "Chicken Noodle Soup" at the family reunion (or Aunt Beulah's funeral, do we have to dance at every occasion? Are we dancing because we are happy she has met with the lord, or just happy that she's dead?).

We will forever do the Electric Slide. How could you really do the "Chicken Noodle Soup" to "One Nation Under a Groove?" Technically, I think you could pull off the Cha Cha Slide to "One Nation Under a Groove."

So I assume at this point, I don't have to paste a link to youtube so you can see the madness that is the Chicken Noodle Soup. Chances are I could show you the Minstrel Show Cake walk scenes to "Birth of a Nation" and you couldn't tell the difference. I hate coming up with two conspiracy theories in a week, but I think The Chicken Noodle Soup was developed by The Klu Klux Klan to show white teenagers that Black Folks, really, are stupid. Don't let it work people! We aren't stupid....You haven't EVER had Chicken Noodle Soup with a Soda on the side

Apple Juice

Orange Juice

Milk

Maybe Tea

But Never Soda.

Let it rain, then bring it on back my ass....

Tiger Woods & Buick:A Conspiracy Theory...

So I just really kinda stumbled across this conspiracy theory. Tiger Woods has been the main spokesman for Buick for, at least 9 years. What are some of the most popular cars in Dub Magazines, what are the official Scrapers of the United States?

Buicks!

I think I might not be too off about some backroom deal between Tiger Woods, General Motors and Dub Magazine. I admit, I might see myself in a Buick in the near future, and yes, the rims available for a LaCrosse only go up to 17's. It looks a bit too modest with anything below 20's....

It's a conspiracy.....
Buick+Tiger Woods+Dub Magazine*4 22's=Conspiracy y'all.

Tiger, if it's true, just email me in private and I'll let the Negro world know.

You Are A Negro:Part 1

I admit, I've watched my fair share of Gay Porn. So I'm familiar with Gay Porn Superstar Matthew Rush. I did not learn until researching into the movie "Another Gay Movie" that Mr. Rush was an Negro. Half a Negro, but no less a Negro than Tiger Woods, or Lisa Bonet.

From what I've seen, Mr. Rush has never shared a porn movie with another Porn Actor of color, other than a fair skinned Latino man. He didn't even share any scenes with the other Negro actor in "Another Gay Movie" Darryl Stephens.

So you may ask, what's the point of writing a post on a Gay Porn Star in the closet about his Negrodom. I think the preceding sentence is the point. Why is he so ashamed to admit that he is even vaguely African American. Does he feel that claiming his Negro heritage is going to hurt his porn career? From what I know of Gay Porn, all that matters is your Dick is big, you have a nice ass, and you are, vaguely attractive in the face.

Right now, I'd rather see Matthew Rush on the cover of The Advocate saying "I'm a Negro" than Wentworth Miller on People saying "I'm Gay."

At least we know Wentworth Miller is a Negro...a Gay Negro that downloads porn at Kinkos...

B-A-B-Y-M-A-M-A

Why is Shar Jackson smiling? Maybe she is thinking that Britney is getting what she deserves. But Why is Niecey from Moesha, even featured, anywhere anymore? Moesha went off the air in 2001, and all she has done is have the first round of Babies with the best punchline out of FresNO.

That heffa said FresYES!

And, why is she always appearing in some picture, where she is featured with some kinda tech gadget as her background? Go to perezhilton.com, apparently she was "invited" to the PlayStation 3 party? Why? Is there a new Playstation game called B-A-B-Y-M-A-M-A? Where you compete with the other chicken heads LaCreesha and Shaquan for child support? How many vocal barbs can you throw at Judge Hatchett? who passes the Paternity Test on Maury? Actually, that sounds like a cool video game, or a good educational tool to young black women on how not to end up like......

SHAR JACKSON!

She's not even a "Jackson" Jackson, so her dysfunction doesn't have any context.

I guess she was at this Motorola function to introduce Fantasia, who's "B-A-B-Y-M-A-M-A" is now featured on Motorola phones available the Metro PCS

"B-A-B-Y....M-A-M-A....This goes out to all my Baby Mama's........"

Good Points gone wrong

So, I must admit, this is a very pertinent piece of advice for the African American male. But, umm, should we really be wearing it for the police to see. It kinda defeats the purpose, if the police know that we are warning each other about their presence.

This should be something taught within the black home. So Mother's and Fathers, Brothers and Sisters, repeat with me to pass on

"If You See the Police, Warn a Brutha"

Many thanks to Toni DiCicco for providing this image

Chicken Doesn't Always Have to Be Fried:A Public Service Announcement

That's what I've been told, by other people, of other races

I've even heard a few tell me they don't like Fried Chicken...at all

"It's too greasy"
"I don't like the taste"

Each protest against fried chicken was like someone saying there is no God. Each proclaimation stabbed my soul til I lay on the sidewalk bleeding.

And then I realized, there are many other ways of eating chicken.

I, Myself as a child, never liked fried chicken. I prefered Chicken Pot Pies. I don't think I had a favorable Fried Chicken experience until I was 11. This Filipino man took over the 7-11 in Whiskey Glutch(RIP) right next to the Laundromat. The chicken was so hot, so non greasy, so fresh that I swear he must have slaughtered the bird behind the counter.

But I never got the appeal, other than ease, to partake in KFC, Popeyes or Church's chicken. It's never as good as homemade Fried Chicken.

And, Black folks, there are other ways of eating Chicken
even other ways of frying chicken!

Like, you can use seasoned breadcrumbs, which cuts down on the salt content!

I love baked Chicken, and I know you do too! You can cook it with white and/or red wine and it's just as juicy as fried chicken!

You can boil chicken in water and/or chicken stock. strip it of the bones and make Jumbalaya, Chicken Salad or Chicken pot pie.

Chicken doesn't always have to be fried!

A public service announcement, courtesy of negrohallofshame.com

Reality Check:Week #1

So it's time for me to check some people before they wreck themselves

Tisha Campbell:
I Saw you supporting your sister in weave on "Dancing With the Stars" Apparently you have gone back to using Nadinola to bleach your skin. Apparently you think it is ok to wear a Jet Black wig with that skin tone. You also think that your lips aren't big enough, and you got collagen injections. Then put Ruby Red edible lip gloss on them mugs...

Keep doing that, and you'll never work again.

Mike Epps:
You, are, the, most, lame, thing, on, H,B,O. Pulling people out of the audience to poke fun at them on DEF COMEDY JAM, is just lame. You are able to curse as much as you want, muthafucka is a funny word. Pointing out some fool from the Bronx in plaid shorts, is not.

Keep doing it, and You'll never work again. I might start a write in campaign to have Bruce-Bruce replace you, no matter if I want to get in your draws or not..Yes I think you are fine, but that's besides the point

Michael Jackson:
If, you, like Whitney, are trying to stage a comeback. You can't be caught wearing a complete ensemble from Ann Taylor loft, and wearing Oprah's newest favorite clothing item, they wide brimmed Sun hat. It's Oprah's latest favorite thing! not yours. You, especially, need the least freakout factors to even have half a chance of making it anywhere west of Germany. And, let the nap or curl come back to your hair, if possible, we might actually still claim you as Black if that happens.

Keep it up, and not only will you not work again, but chances are you'll be arrested in the ladies room.

Sean P-Diddy Puffy Combs:
Stay away from Vaseline. Hasn't someone told you that if you kept the Vaseline away from your face, you wouldn't need the proactiv, there for I wouldn't be making fun of you for doing Proactiv commercials.

Keep it up, and you might only do Proactiv and Vaseline intensive Care Commercials

Kanye West:
Put on a goddamn shirt. And get rid of whomever is dressing you for awards shows. Apparently you have been shopping for your awards shows in the wardrobe of Darryl Stephens episodes of "Noah's Arc." And I don't wanna see your chest. Negro I can see your ribcage. and you have 13 hairs on your chest. Just...uh uh...

Keep Doing that, There will be Gay rumors, and Being Black, Gay and Famous is uncharted territory, ask Tevin Campbell.

Brandy:
Umm...We know you got your own line of hair to sell. But do it the dignified way that Diahann Carroll does. In the end pages of Jet and Ebony. Not on NBC. And, less is more, and did you take Dionne Warwick's teeth, one by one, and put them in your mouth? Please don't smile on your next CD cover. The Children will be afraid, very afraid.

Keep doing that, and you drown in your own weave

Jimmy JJ. Walker:
Nobody will, ever, ever understand a famous Black republican. Get over it. I'm being kind, courteous and Generous by calling you famous. You suprise me, you slip into the back of consicousness, and I want an episode of "Good Times" and think, Jimmy JJ Walker, ain't he dead? Then I see you guest Starring on "Everybody Hates Chris" and I think, oh, he's still alive, and he does conservative talk radio. Not a good legacy if you ask me.

Keep doing that and your Obiturary will read "TV Has-Been Conservative Whack Job Jimmy JJ Walker died today."

Halle Berry:
Stop tracing Dorothy Dandridge's life so accurately that it's eerie. I swear you are on schedule to die soon after you turn 42. Let's just say active relationships with the opposite sex is not for you. And you should go away and work on yourself and your issues. And take any dresses you may have of her's to a Museum. You are not her, she is not you, and you are scaring me shitless, right down to the creepy white last boyfriend/husband that you never appear happy in photography with.

Keep it Up and you'll end up yet another tragic beauty

Martha Reeves:
You can't be Motown Legend, Detroit City Council Woman and "Strawberry Woman" in the Detroit production of Porgy & Bess all in one. Ronnie Spector just concentrates on singing. You, are 65 years old, you need to focus on just two of those, or should have focused on all three at different points in life. Motown legends are taking dirtnaps every 10 days it seems. I'd like to take my children to see you in concert one day. Also, don't you get a say in How "Dancing In The Streets" and "Heatwave" are bastardized in advertising. I've never danced in the streets after heading out of Macy's

Keep it up and your obituary will read "Jingle Lady Politician that was legendarily bitter towards Diana Ross"

Smokey Robinson:
You are 66 Years old. You should not have mini-dreads. It's strange. Maybe because I think trying to be sexually appealling at 66 is absurd for men. It's just really ridiculous tho. nothing is wrong with a fade. I don't mean go back to the Percy Sledge Jheri-Curl...but something in between those two extremes.

These are the Reality Checks for this week

Whitney's Back!

She filed for divorce from Bobby!

Got a shiny New Blonde wig (or borrowed it from her Cousin Dionne Warwick, I swear I say it on some episode of Solid Gold when I was coming up, *shudder* at the the fact that hairstyles popular on Solid Gold are back).

And you had the nerve to appauld that horrid Katherine McPhee Chick from American Idol, ruining your best Schlocky Power ballad right in front of your face.

I'm not sure your done with the Crack..ehem..Cocaine, or whatever drug you were using.

"I Have Nothing" indeed....

If you were really back you would have snatched the mike from her and knocked everyone on their ass.

But, you aren't back, at all.
I think, like your Cousin Dionne at this point in her life, possibly a 3rd of your range is still there.

I wonder who is gonna write your "I'll Never Love This Way Again."

I'm really gonna miss the "Crack Is Whack" "Whatchulookinat" crazy Whitney.
I still use "Crack Is Whack" 4 years later! It's classic. You getting sober, divorcing Bobby, therefore depriving us a 2nd season of "Being Bobby Brown" is the end of an era for me. This hurts me more than "Martin" going off in 1997 because Martin Lawrence went crazy.

No Female Singer has provided me with such a long list of one liners.

I will always love you
Fucked Up Whitney

Lil Kim......

Why Are you not little anymore....

I know, for a fact, that the food wasn't that good in prison...
It's not like there was Smothered Chicken, Cracklin Bread, Black Eyed Peas with Hamhocks and Sweet Potato Pound Cake up in there everyday....

Or Any Day....

It might have only taken a good 35 licks to get to the center of you 5 years ago
now it takes 1,265

I hope whomever licks you has some serious tongue strength.

I'm not criticizing your weight gain, I'm just saying, it occured in the strangest of venues.

Jail!

I'm just saying, there was a nice courtyard, with weights, and probably a track that ran around the perimeter...

And I'm pretty sure the food sucked.
So again I'm not criticizing, but I just wonder, how?

Did you spend your whole time getting your hair pressed/braided?
Did one of the girls in the joint have a contraband DeepFryer and you had Friday Night Fish Frys up in there?

I just need to know why...

Buick....Oh Buick

So, Buicks, are the new hip cars.....

Doubt me?

Look in Dub Magazine, or at the SEMA show.....
Negroes are to blame, and conservative republicans aren't happy.

They want to buy Lucerne's and LaCrosse's without the hassle of the salesman trying to up them to 22's 24's or 26's.

Buick, rather belatedly, is going after a market that has exhausted itself on Cadillacs and Lincolns and has nearly run it's course on the current Chrysler 300. Do I blame them? No...If there is a customer base, willing to pay an additional 3-4K already on top of the 23-38K base for a good that is easily damaged (especially in my home region the Bay Area, home to some of America's worst pavement jobs...good work CalTrans!) I say go for that market of ingnorant baffoons.

Why Buicks you might say...

Negroes, despite what you might see on BET, are very brand loyal and savvy consumers. Buicks for the last 18 years have been consistently at the top of J.D. Power and Associates lists for initial quality and extended quality surveys...otherwise, most Buicks are dependable automotive purchases. The same cannot be said of Mercedes Benz or BMW. The only other brand that is that consistent is Lexus , and it's parent corporation, Toyota.

Black Folks know a good thing when they see one...

But, do we really, have to put 24's on 1993 Park Avenues that are worth less than the actual rims...

Can we compromise, like, you can put 22's on a 2001 Century? all in all you will have spent only about $8000 total, and I won't be embarassed whenever you pull up at the Chevron at the same time as me, as the Nice WASPy lady in the Prius shakes her head in dismay..

No More DVD/TV Screens in the Visor mirrors. You can watch TV or DVD's at home. or the Kids can on long roadtrips from the back seat.

You
Focus on driving

It needs to stop, or I'm dressing up as a cop and issuing you fools tickets....

Think About how your Regal GS feels about this.....
Think about other Buick owners of color feel about this...

Be a little diverse, start pimping all the 2006 Tauruses coming out of Rental service from Hertz, Budget and Enterprise...

Diversify My Brutha

Heffa why are you so angry?

I'm posting this in response to Beyonce's song "Ring The Alarm"

What, B, Do you have to be so angry about.

If the fool is flucking up, you do realize that you have de-throned Halle Berry as the most desirable Black Woman in the world?

Your RICH too, so it's not like you really need a man.
Nivea could use a man, and a hit, right about now........

But, really, you've built a career on just being angry, at black men
You have built a career on the stereotype, that Black Women, are forever angry at Black Men....

Can You Pay My Bills....
Hell No!
You should have known better, don't let the fool roll in your ride, on your phone...if he ain't got his own.

You's a Bug-a-Boo
So, he likes calling, alot, paging you, alot. At least he's calling from his own phone now. And he probably wants to take you out

Remind you you've been dishing out these bruises to mens egos for a good 7-8 years now.

And now you got total Bellevue Psycho ward and "Ring The Alarm"
Then go and replace them telling them they are not "Irreplaceable"

Very Nice B....
So when you slow down at 30, like you said on Ellen, will any man want you?

Well, yeah, Your Beyonce, and hopefully you don't morph into some zaftig creole witch like your mother did.

But, seriously, B, lets stop rehasing "Crazy In Love" having hit after Hit after Hit being a rehash of your Breakthrough. It's so 1960's.

Let's stop being angry. There is a reason why people can't wait for Jill Scott or India.Arie Or Mary J. Blige or Anita Baker to come out with something new.

Because it is always something new, something fresh, something evolutionary.
Strive for Breakthroughs, and maybe you will wanna work forever. And not burn yourself out, and leave at 30.

TV's Most Embarrasing Moments, for Negroes

So I'm starting a list of events That I hope you will vote on.

1) The entire 1st and 2nd Season of "Flavor of Love" and the impending Tiffany "New York" related "Flavorette" series.

I admit, it was entertaining, and the foolishness of the females on the series is not solely related to African-American women. But. It has to stop, somewhere. Just like Jerry Springer in it's heyday ran it's course. There was no Jerry Springer Spinoff for all the Transexuals that were left dumped after an episode of Jerry.....Non Queer Eye for the Trailer Park Homo...so, why does New York get her own show, according to MySpace...she's doing quite well with her Dollarstore franchises.

2) Why is that sitcom with LisaRaye and that most annoying little child actor since Jaleel White still on the CW. I tought LisaRaye was the princess of some Island Kingdom that if you stepped outside her palace in flip-flops you'd get an infection on your feet. Why doesn't she take a note from Grace Kelley and live a nice life of royalty, and then flip her car off a cliff when she's in her 50's

3) Jill-Marie Jones not getting a pay increase, something, for being the heart of Girlfriends. Without her, there is no reason to tune in, except for them to milk her departure for all it's worth. "Toni was in town but you didn't tell me." Really, how often is Toni in town to tie up loose ends. The only way they can save the show now is if they bring Jenifer Lewis in again to tell Joan off, and she, like LisaRaye in 25 years, flips her car off the clip in grief....

4) Wanda Sykes Needs to stop recycling her jokes. I know between 3 canceled shows, voiceover work and being the "Sassy Negress" all over TV and Cinema she is a little busy. But she's still using jokes that she passed off on Comedy Central, in 2002, when she had a goddamn flip...

5) Poor, crazy Betty Applewhite, Poor disjointed 2nd season of Desperate Housewives. Why couldn't Betty be one of the insiders before the dark secrets came tumbling out. Why was she always an outsider on Wisteria Lane? Was it because she was Black? and why did they have her in very, ugly, pantsuits and that gawd awful wig? I know Black women dress like that, but it's generally when they are 67, not working anymore, are on fixed Social Security and have a 17 year Old DeVille in the Driveway....

Also, Bree's son is Andrew is a lot hotter than Her Daughter Danielle. I think the story line would have been more interesting if Andrew were getting it on with Matthew Applewhite....

Which Moment of these is the worst folks...think about it, chew it over, before you cast your vote.