Reality Check:Week #1

So it's time for me to check some people before they wreck themselves

Tisha Campbell:
I Saw you supporting your sister in weave on "Dancing With the Stars" Apparently you have gone back to using Nadinola to bleach your skin. Apparently you think it is ok to wear a Jet Black wig with that skin tone. You also think that your lips aren't big enough, and you got collagen injections. Then put Ruby Red edible lip gloss on them mugs...

Keep doing that, and you'll never work again.

Mike Epps:
You, are, the, most, lame, thing, on, H,B,O. Pulling people out of the audience to poke fun at them on DEF COMEDY JAM, is just lame. You are able to curse as much as you want, muthafucka is a funny word. Pointing out some fool from the Bronx in plaid shorts, is not.

Keep doing it, and You'll never work again. I might start a write in campaign to have Bruce-Bruce replace you, no matter if I want to get in your draws or not..Yes I think you are fine, but that's besides the point

Michael Jackson:
If, you, like Whitney, are trying to stage a comeback. You can't be caught wearing a complete ensemble from Ann Taylor loft, and wearing Oprah's newest favorite clothing item, they wide brimmed Sun hat. It's Oprah's latest favorite thing! not yours. You, especially, need the least freakout factors to even have half a chance of making it anywhere west of Germany. And, let the nap or curl come back to your hair, if possible, we might actually still claim you as Black if that happens.

Keep it up, and not only will you not work again, but chances are you'll be arrested in the ladies room.

Sean P-Diddy Puffy Combs:
Stay away from Vaseline. Hasn't someone told you that if you kept the Vaseline away from your face, you wouldn't need the proactiv, there for I wouldn't be making fun of you for doing Proactiv commercials.

Keep it up, and you might only do Proactiv and Vaseline intensive Care Commercials

Kanye West:
Put on a goddamn shirt. And get rid of whomever is dressing you for awards shows. Apparently you have been shopping for your awards shows in the wardrobe of Darryl Stephens episodes of "Noah's Arc." And I don't wanna see your chest. Negro I can see your ribcage. and you have 13 hairs on your chest. Just...uh uh...

Keep Doing that, There will be Gay rumors, and Being Black, Gay and Famous is uncharted territory, ask Tevin Campbell.

Brandy:
Umm...We know you got your own line of hair to sell. But do it the dignified way that Diahann Carroll does. In the end pages of Jet and Ebony. Not on NBC. And, less is more, and did you take Dionne Warwick's teeth, one by one, and put them in your mouth? Please don't smile on your next CD cover. The Children will be afraid, very afraid.

Keep doing that, and you drown in your own weave

Jimmy JJ. Walker:
Nobody will, ever, ever understand a famous Black republican. Get over it. I'm being kind, courteous and Generous by calling you famous. You suprise me, you slip into the back of consicousness, and I want an episode of "Good Times" and think, Jimmy JJ Walker, ain't he dead? Then I see you guest Starring on "Everybody Hates Chris" and I think, oh, he's still alive, and he does conservative talk radio. Not a good legacy if you ask me.

Keep doing that and your Obiturary will read "TV Has-Been Conservative Whack Job Jimmy JJ Walker died today."

Halle Berry:
Stop tracing Dorothy Dandridge's life so accurately that it's eerie. I swear you are on schedule to die soon after you turn 42. Let's just say active relationships with the opposite sex is not for you. And you should go away and work on yourself and your issues. And take any dresses you may have of her's to a Museum. You are not her, she is not you, and you are scaring me shitless, right down to the creepy white last boyfriend/husband that you never appear happy in photography with.

Keep it Up and you'll end up yet another tragic beauty

Martha Reeves:
You can't be Motown Legend, Detroit City Council Woman and "Strawberry Woman" in the Detroit production of Porgy & Bess all in one. Ronnie Spector just concentrates on singing. You, are 65 years old, you need to focus on just two of those, or should have focused on all three at different points in life. Motown legends are taking dirtnaps every 10 days it seems. I'd like to take my children to see you in concert one day. Also, don't you get a say in How "Dancing In The Streets" and "Heatwave" are bastardized in advertising. I've never danced in the streets after heading out of Macy's

Keep it up and your obituary will read "Jingle Lady Politician that was legendarily bitter towards Diana Ross"

Smokey Robinson:
You are 66 Years old. You should not have mini-dreads. It's strange. Maybe because I think trying to be sexually appealling at 66 is absurd for men. It's just really ridiculous tho. nothing is wrong with a fade. I don't mean go back to the Percy Sledge Jheri-Curl...but something in between those two extremes.

These are the Reality Checks for this week